It's getting closer...

...do I dare get a little excited?? Can this be for real?? I know what you are thinking. Our LID is only December 2006 which means that we are still a ways behind these June 30th 2006 families that will finally have their dossiers moving into the matching room. But come on, we have waited a hell of a long time for ANY news of a speed up. And this, my friends, is definitely progress!

Yes. I dare. I have earned that right. I have been patient. I have remained positive. And yet my heart aches. It aches everyday for the little wee one that should be in our lives right now. In our arms. Getting hugs and kisses. Exploring things. Being loved. Oh, how that child will be loved.

I have given up the luxury of being in control of my destiny. I'm calling in all the favours now...asking all to send positive energy out there and help send our wee one home soon. She has a Mommy and a Daddy that can't wait to have her in our lives.

I'm on vacation!!

As of 1pm today I officially started my vacation. And not a moment too soon, either. I had dreams of taking the entire summer off but decided that would be financially irresponsible and somewhat reckless of me. God, I can't remember the last time that I had an entire summer to do absolutely nothing in particular. I think I might have been twelve. OK, let's not do the math, but I am MUCH older than that now.

Gone are the days of complaining that there isn't anything to do. What I would give to have that time back. If I only knew then what I know now. That only makes what play time I have now all the sweeter.

So, you ask...what will I do with my precious two weeks of freedom? I can tell you that I will not be answering the bloody phone, and I will be steering clear of work. That's for damn sure. I have three new books to devour. I have a house full of crap that needs to be purged. And in between there will be time to run, to swim, to bike, to live, to laugh...to reconnect. To recharge. To think. To plan.

And I think that the blog might take a new direction. It was intended as a way of keeping family and friends up to speed with our adoption plans. Silly. We innocently thought that we would have all kinds of things to post about. Sadly we do not. Our plans haven't changed. Our dreams remain intact. Our hearts still wait. And wait and wait and wait. And that is all the news that we have. The wait remains. So until we have news on the adoption front the blog will be more like a "chat about nothing in particular".

I wish that I could say that they will be really articulate and well written prose. I am envious of the posts written by Kristian. Yes, KV. You have the skill. You keep us wanting more. But I am off on another tangent. Stay tuned folks. The posts may not appear on a regular basis but they will appear.

New Balance Half Iron June 17th...check

Ok, ok. Here is my humble race report.

We headed for Victoria on Saturday morning, with great tunes in the stereo, coffees in hand and butterflies in my stomach. The week leading up the race was tense for me. "Have I done enough to prepare?" "Am I crazy?" "What did I forget to pack?" "The expectations are becoming overwhelming!" Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who is wise and says all the right things to calm me down.

After a morning visiting with friends we met up with my folks at the hotel and then it was time to head to the race venue to pick up my race package. I just love the energy surrounding an event. Especially triathlons. (Sorry runners, but teh energy is just so different, positive karma surrounds) More words of encouragement float my way from fellow competitors and event supporters. The best was Mr. Nowak coming over to ask..."are ya nervous, are ya nervous, are ya nervous, are ya nervous, are ya nervous?" If I wasn't before, I am now.

Back to the hotel for a good pasta dinner a la Chef Skuja and an early night. Up at 4:30 am after a good night's sleep. Strangely I don't feel nervous. I take my time and have breakfast (bagel with honey and green tea). Double check that I have packed everything, get ready and head out the door. It's windy but thankfully it isn't raining. Another step in the right direction. I'm still feeling calm at this point. I think that is making Coach nervous. But I am zen. I can't control much at this point so I choose to go with the flow.

That is until we are driving along the lake and I look at the swim course set up and all that I could say was " Oh my f&*^*ing F*%K!! That's far " Ok, compose. I can do this. I will do this. I have to do this. A sea of friendly faces meets us at the transition site and I find a spot for my gear and set up. Oddly, I am calm once again. Zen. This is going to be a great day. I have worked hard to get here. I am going to enjoy every moment of this day. Bring it on!

Body marked, and zipped up in my wetsuit I head over to the water with Cathy and Darren. Deep breath. Where is everyone? Oh my god! Is that the start of the first wave?? Where are they??? Damn, I missed Deb's start. Holy crap, we start over at the other beach!!! We hurry over to the proper start area, see Stoner and Sandy, and Lene. Quick "see ya out there" all around and I head out on the swim with no warm up and no chance to make sure that my goggles are nice and tight. Oh well. Breathe, settle into it. Calm down. Can I do this? I can't do this. I have to do this. I can't give up now. Find your rythm. Ok, relax. Ok, I can do this. Stroke, glide, sight, glide, zen. I am doing this. I am really doing this. I am actually enjoying this! I run out of the water with a huge smile on my face. i have faced my fear and conquered! Woohooo!! The rest of the day is going to ROCK! All I can hear Darren yelling as I run by is and laughter of those spectators lining the path. At this point I'm not sure what he means by it all, but I don't care. It could mean that I was super slow or faster than we had talked about. It doesn't matter. I'm happy!

A leisurely transition to the bike and I'm on my way! Two 40K loops of steep climbs, fast twisting downhills, technical riding. The chase is on and the fasties are flying by! Yeehaw! Having fun and getting it done. Two parts down and one to go.

Another leisurely transition from bike to run and I'm heading into the trails. Cheers from Coach and my folks give me the energy I need to get going. Water. Mmmmmm. Water has never tasted so good! I run from water station to water station with walks in between. I can't believe how good I feel. I don't care that I am walking through each aid station. I have earned that right. Anyway, the goal was to finish. Almost 5 clicks into the run and I meet up with Barb. She runs with me for a while and then we hook up with Darren! Woohoo, I am having a blast! Janet runs by and she is looking strong. Find a nice pace. Settle into it. Holy crap...I'm at 9k and I think that I spot Eleanor and Denis!! It IS them!!! I am energized once again. OOO, must run past the finish area to start my second lap. That is so cruel Here I go again! Still feeling good. Why do I feel this good? Who cares. look at me!!!! I'm doing it!!! Another jog with Barb and then with Darren. I'm in my own little world and then I look up. It can't be. Do my eyes deceive me?? Oh my god it's my friend Andrew!!! He's running in his dress shoes ahead of me taking pictures and aking feel like a SUPERSTAR! This day just couldn't get any better. How could I get so lucky to have so many great people out there cheering for all of us? I have 3K to go and I am on my own again. I wonder how Cathy, Stoner, Deb, Bert, Lene and her gang are doing. One kilometer to go. I'm so tired. I see Lene. The emotions set in. I am so tired. She runs along with me. This is what I need to keep going. I can hear the crowd at the finish line. Oh my god. I am going to finish. I am going to freakin' finish this bad boy with a smile on my face!!! I see Deb!! I'm almost there. Just around the corner now. Keep going. Darren will be there. Keep going. I'm there! Holy mother of all that is good. I crossed the mo' fo' line!!!!!!! It's done!!!!! I'm done!!!!! What was my time? Are you sure? I did what??? I KICKED AZZZZZZ!!!! I'm done.

Thanks to Coach, Cathy and Stoner for the encouragement and motivation and inspiration!!!

So long...Farewell...Auf Wiedersehen...Goodbye...

I would like to bid adieu to a fellow blogger. This person I have not met as of yet in the formal sense, but I did come to enjoy meeting on occasion here, and on his own blog.

The countdown was a surprise to us, and we speculated as to what it could mean. I had my theory, and it was correct. Alas, we will miss you on the blogs, but will look forward to hearing from you in your own time. I must tell you, blogger, that we looked forward to reading your posts. It was a window. A way to catch up, and get a glimpse at what goes on with you from post to post. A touch like being a voyeur. Perhaps that is part of the reason for you signing off for a while. I can appreciate the need for privacy...for space...for time to think without having to put your thoughts out there for all of us to ponder and dissect.

I for one, can understand completely. I respect it. I hope that others can come to understand it too.

If I can offer up any piece of advice it would be this: Live your life for you, for who you want to be. If there are expectations to be lived up to, make sure that they are coming from you. And pleasure does not always equate to happiness in life. Take stock in what surrounds you and ask yourself, "am I happy, can I be happy with this?". Hard questions to ask, and harder to answer. But not impossible. Definitely not impossible.

The Captain and I wish you well!

And now, a word from our sponsor....

Ok, ok. It has been a while since my last post. I'm actully surprised that anyone takes the time to check in here from time to time. This was supposed to be a place for me to keep you all up to date with any news about the adoption. Well, there isn't much going on in that department. So, perhaps I will just bore you with tidbits from daily life. How would that be?

I'm sitting here, trying to keep busy. My legs are killing me from last week's FULL ON training sessions. And, as often happens when I am doing nothing in particular, I start to evaluate things. Today, I am evaluating my training. I'm looking for the "fun factor" to be exact. I'm afraid that the fun which I set out to have in training for this Half Ironman is being clouded with a whole lotta seriousness. Now don't get the wrong idea. I respect the event and the amount of training that needs to be done to get across the finish line without too much of a grimace on my face. But I seem to have been lured into a lot of time goals for this and that, and worrying about comments from the peanut gallery about why my recent race times are what they are. Why am so concerned about how far ahead I might be of so and so, or what so and so said about this and that?? WHO CARES! I have to bring it all back to the reason that I started this journey. And that is to do something that in my mind is monumental, and feel good about the accomplishment.

Geeeeze...I think I'm tired. I just read that back, and it reads like the rantings of a madwoman! So what is the solution? Take charge of my training again. Listen to my body and be firm in what I want to do with my training from week to week instead of falling into the trap of doing what I think is expected of me. I guess that sometimes I live in a dreamworld where I can not only "talk the talk" but I can also "walk the walk". Reality check. I must remember my place in the grand scheme of things.

That is my rant for the day. Discuss.

This one is for you, Sparklecheeks...

This week I have been taking stock in just how fortunate I am to have some pretty special people in my life. Life has brought change to all our lives in one way or the other, but there remains a constant. Friendship. A bond that may get tested, but that will never break.

Chicklets. Friends. Buddies. Pals. My strength. As I was running with my "posse" (minus one) this week, I got to thinking about all the laughs we have had together over the years. Running has been good to us, and that is what brought us all together. But there is that bond, that "thing" that keeps the good times rolling right along. It's not something that I take for granted.

And for the one that has gone off to new adventures in far off lands...you are always here in our hearts. Geez, you can't get rid of us that easily :) It's amazing how with one phone call, it's like you are just a 5 minute jump in the car. We always seem to pick up where we left off and never skip a beat. True Chicklet style.

Well, my friends. This is it for the "foofy, touchy, feely" post. I just wanted to say "thanks". Thanks for being who you are. My best friends.

Today, I was reminded....

...just how lucky I am. As I was working with a customer (I am a "shoe pig" by trade), I was catching bits and pieces of a news cast coming over the local radio station. I heard "flipped over...truck...fatal...". And then my customer asked, "where is Vanier Drive?". My heart just sank. Thoughts running through my head....Darren was supposed to be around there just about now...we drive a truck...oh...my...god...please don't let it be him. It was 5pm when I heard that, and Darren was due to pick me up at 5:30. Tick tock, tick tock. Don't panic. Don't panic. Breath, breath. Why the hell is the phone not ringing????

I look at my watch, it's 5:29 and he still hasn't shown up. I go through the list of people I might need to call to take me out to look for Darren. 5:31. Thank the ^*&^9 Lord, there he is!!!!!!! The love of my life is alive and well and walking upright!!!!!!

Have you ever known a love so strong, that you don't know what you would do if it was taken away from you? I do. I do. I do.

My Nirvana captured on canvass

My Nirvana...My little piece of heaven. Captured forever on canvass. This was truly a beautiful gift from my Dad. I took my folks there with my cousin K on a beautiful, and rare sunny day. Doesn't matter the weather. That place has meaning to me. It makes everything better. And now, I can look at this painting and go to my happy place. I can look at that painting, and smile with thanks that Dad took the time to create something so special. I am, so very lucky.

Yesterday was a great day...

...for a few reasons. The alarm went off early (not always a welcome sound). I was on a mission. I knew that the day was going to be one of time management, so the sooner I got my arse out of bed the better.

Up, groggy, sleepy eyed but awake enough to make a quick cup of tea and get into my running gear. Out the door just before 7am and into the cold darkness. One foot in front of the other, and repeat. That's not so bad. Feeling good. Heart rate not terribly high. I was having a great run. The cold and the dark made for a really peaceful run. No music. No chit chat. Just me, the sound of my feet and the sound of breathing. Awesome. Forty minutes done!

The house is so quiet when I get back. Darren and the cats are still sleeping (lucky buggers). Step two of the day is on its way. I'm in a hurry to down a power gel and get to the pool. Breakfast of champions. I think not. Goggles on, and into the water I go. Glide, glide, glide. Think about form, think about breathing, think about anything. Think about how good this swim is going. Woohoo, 1500m done.

Rush, rush, rush...off to work I go. God I need a nap by this point. But I'm feeling pretty good about all that I have accomplished so far. But the best part of the day has yet to come. And when it did, it was awesome!!

The best part of the day arrives the moment that TT and GT walk through the door at work with their new little boy Jacob. Their beautiful five month old son adopted two weeks ago. Just seeing the happiness in their faces was enough. Lots of smiles, lots of hugs, lots of hearing about the journey. They are amazing people. They are amazing parents. I am so thankful that they shared with me. They give me hope. The hope and the reassurance that we will get to that point one day. And the wait will be oh so worth it in the end. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And then I hit "send"...

I've been talking about doing it for a while now. I have been planning for it. I have started working towards it. And today I hit "send". It's official. I have paid the entry fee, and I am confirmed for the New Balance Half Ironman on June 17th. HOLY CRAP!

Have you ever done that, you know, make a huge decision and then feel a sudden urge to toss your cookies? I have, and it all worked out so wonderfully. The last time that I hit the send button and then said to myself "what the hell have I done", I had made the decision to drop everything and move out to Vancouver Island. I have never looked back, and life has been soooo good.

I'm over the feeling of dread with my Half Iron decision. It's time to shit or get off the pot so to speak. Well, I'm going to do it. And I am so lucky to have some friends to help me along the way. Who could ask for more?

One step at a time. Stay focused, stay healthy and for god sakes don't get injured. Ok people...anyone else with me? No? Are those crickets that I hear?