Speed up, slow down...Where does the truth lie?

G'day sports fans! I thought that I would enlighten you with today's tid bit regarding wait times for our adoption. The runours are flying once again. I get my daily updates from Rumor Queen, since we get absolutely NO updates from our own agencies. I try to take everything with a grain of salt and not read too much into things.

Is there a glimmer of hope that things are going to start to speed up. I sure hope so. For the love of all that is good, I hope so.

Here are the terms for the abbreviations used in the post below:
CCAA (China Centre of Adoption Affairs)
SN (special needs)
NSN (non special needs)
LID (log in date)
IA (international adoption)
SWI (social welfare institute)

Happy reading! Fingers and toes crossed.

October 9th, 2007
We all know that the CCAA told multiple agencies and countries during their tour that things will pick up after the first of the year. Specifically, they will do 15 days at a time (or take two calendar months to do a LID month, there were several variations that said the same thing).
As I’ve noted before, it appears that in order to do 15 days at a time they will need to increase the number of NSN referrals issued per month in order to make that happen.
There has been a lot of speculation on whether this will happen. People remember that the CCAA has told agencies other things in the past that didn’t turn out to be true, and so there is a good deal of mis-trust about this statement.
I’ve received a few emails from people who claim to have special knowledge. Though they are a bit cryptic about their actual source, it appears from what little they do say, that their sources are probably different from each other. And yet they all have a few things in common. The most notable being that the 15 days per month are not going to happen. Putting them all together, I believe the main points are:
The ceiling/quota next year will be even lower than this year (which is lower than last year’s ceiling/quota).
The COA (which is part of the State Department?) is frowning on agencies that are trying to be vague about the wait times for China.
Two weeks (15 days) of referrals will not happen. They may get close a few times, but do not expect it to happen on a regular basis.
The Special Needs Program is now the primary focus, and they are trying to ramp the NSN program down as quickly as possible without it becoming a media event or having an outcry about human rights issues.
What does this mean?
I don’t know. I have people with “special insider information” saying both things - that the ceiling/quota is going to be higher next year from some and that it will go down yet again from others. The supposed sources for the good news seems to be agencies and facilitators and for the not-so-good news seems to mostly be from U.S. official channels. How would our State Department or USCIS or COA know these things? I don’t know.
Also, at least two agencies seem to be basing their speed up statements on the fact that they know that the CCAA is has matched their clients pretty far out ahead of time. As I’ve said before, I’m sure that the CCAA is matching some families far ahead of time, but I don’t know that they have matched everyone ahead of time. I have some circumstantial evidence from the most recent batch that tells me that they are not matching everyone early. I don’t know anything for sure, but if I’m correct on that then at least two agencies are basing their speed up hopes on incomplete information. Just because the CCAA has matched their families pretty far in advance, it does not mean the CCAA has matched all families so far in advance.
One thing I have heard quite a bit of that seems to be in agreement from all sides: Current SN vs NSN consulate appointments seem to be more SN than NSN. Also, many agencies (not all agencies, many agencies) are reporting that they are now sending more families to China to complete a SN adoption than they are in the NSN program. I believe that at this time the SN program is bigger than the NSN program. Not in terms of dossiers, of course, but in terms of children actually being adopted each month. (As a side note, the State Department numbers should be out soon for the fiscal year just ended, it will be interesting to see what those numbers say. I wish they broke them down by program, but I guess we take what we can get at this point.)
I believe that December is about 60% the size of November. I also believe that the CCAA should be able to get through December in three months (with maybe a few December LIDs included in a fourth month that would be mostly made up of January LIDs). This assumes that they continue to do about the same number of NSN referrals per calendar month as they have been doing. If they increase that number then it could be less than three months, if they reduce that number even more, then, well, I don’t want to go there.
As far as speed up rumors, let’s look at a bit of history. Over the past two years we have had at least two big events where we were SURE things were going to speed up in the next month or two. First there was the promise last summer that the CCAA didn’t want the wait to go over a year. We were certain things would speed up since we were so close to that year mark - and even when we hit the year mark there were agencies saying it wouldn’t go over 14 months, that the CCAA was working hard to keep the wait from continueing to grow. I believed them, as did many others.
Then, last fall we had the combined rumor of new SWI’s being added to the IA program in the spring plus Brian Stuy’s statement last September that we were currently at the longest wait times. And then there was the waiting dad with a December of ‘05 LID who asked the CCAA director face to face when he would get his referral and was told December. (We all thought it meant last December, none of us thought it was possible it would be the following December.)
So last fall we were all pretty much believing things would speed up, which didn’t happen. And then came January ‘07 and they put the brakes on even more.
There was also the rumor from agencies that the CCAA wasn’t going to let the wait get to the point where people would have to redo their I-171H, but the CCAA later made it pretty clear that they were not concerned about that and if we didn’t like it we should look to our government to change, not to them to shorten the wait.
More recently I’ve had correspondence from people who apparently believed Bob C on APC back in June when he promised that a ceiling would be reached on the waiting time over the summer. Though I don’t think that was a big event, just a few dozen people who hung their hat (and hopes) on his words.
So where does this leave us now? We’ve basically been promised (again) that things are going to pick up a bit. Soon. And this time we are hearing it from the CCAA (told to multiple agencies and governments over the summer) as well as agencies continueing to get this word now from the CCAA. Some of us interpret the CCAA’s statement to governments and agencies to mean this next batch (since we are through with November) and some people interpret it to mean the batch to arrive in December (the first batch of the CCAA’s next fiscal year) and some people interpret it to mean the batch to arrive in January (since that’s the first of 2008). And many of us feel like Charlie Brown and the football - not going to fall for it again. But then, hope springs eternal, and maybe they are telling the truth this time and the football won’t be yanked away yet again.
To summarize:
We know that if things stay exactly the same then LID days per batch should increase because we know there aren’t as many people logged in during the next few months.
We’ve been promised 15 days at a time (two months to do one month, etc), which would seem to mean an increase in the number of referrals per month.
There are rumors out there that the ceiling/quota will indeed be higher next year, which means maybe they are going to pull it off.
There are also rumors that the ceiling/quota next year will be lower, which would be very very very bad.
We may know this month, or next month, but at the latest we should know by the January batch whether this rumored speed up is going to happen.
There are dozens of theories of why things may be about to speed up. This blog post is too long as it is, so I’m not going to go there.

Day one of a new adventure

Call me crazy. Some already have. That's ok. It's not something that everyone has a desire to do. But if you know anything about me, you'll know that I never do "easy". I tend to take on these huge challenges in life. And here is a new one...I got in line at 2:30 this morning to secure my spot for Ironman Canada 2008.

Let me be absolutely clear about this. I DID NOT get caught up in the emotions of watching the race yesterday and then sign up. I DID NOT base my decision upon those that I have trained with over the past year. I searched deep. Had a lot of discussions with Darren. I CAN, and WANT to achieve this goal.

I am in awe of all of those that finished yesterday. I have the deepest respect for those that started but were not able to get to the finish line. They dared to try. These athletes come in all shapes and sizes, young and old.

I have made a commitment. I hope that I can count on your support and encouragement along the way.

Little Pieces of the Puzzle

"An important part of our children's lives are the finding ads published by their orphanage. The finding ads are important for two reasons: First, since they are published within a few months of finding, they represent the earliest tangible proof of our children's lives, pre-dating all of the adoption paperwork we receive at adoption. Second, the photographs contained in the finding ads are earlier than any other photos a family will receive during the adoption process."

"Since 1999, the orphanages in China are required to run a provincial newspaper advertisement for children that are found and brought to their orphanage. We call them "Finding Ads." These ads contain information about where and when the children were found and which orphanage is caring for them. Originally these were text-only ads, but most provinces now include photographs in their ads. These photographs are usually the earliest available pictures of the children, some from as young as a few weeks old."

(taken from Brian Stuy's web site http://www.research-china.org/)

I had no idea that this was part of the whole adoption experience for our wee one. The reality for our daughter will be that her natural birth family left her somewhere so that she would be found safe and sound and start her life in a SWI, in hopes that she would one day have a forever family. I do not condemn these birth families. There are so many reasons that could lead to their ultimate and life altering decision. I cannot imagine the emotions and personal struggle that it takes one to give up their child in the hope that the child might have a better life...life at all in some circumstances.

Lately I have struggled with knowing that there will come a day when our daughter will have so many questions about her birth family. And the unfortunate reality is that we won't have any answers. It tears me apart that she may grow up feeling like she doesn't belong, doesn't have roots that she can search for. I struggle in that she may not have a sibbling to grow up with, and that one day she may be totally alone. And we will contribute to the creation of that destiny.

My only true wish in life is that I can be a good parent. That I can be enough. That I can be truthful, and do my best to help our daughter through the time in her life that she needs to know who she is, where she came from. I can't sugar coat the reality. But maybe I can cushion the inevitable hurt that she may feel. But she needs to understand the reasons that may have led her to being given up. in all likelihood, we will never know the reasons. We can only guess. I choose to believe that her birth family will never forget her. I choose to believe that it was a gut wrenching, heart breaking decision for them. And I hope that they will know in their hearts that Darren and I will give their birth daughter nothing but love. Nothing but love. Forever.

Baby K is coming home!

Our dear friends in Edmonton just got word that they are approved to travel at the end of the month to Thailand to finalize the adoption of their little boy K! It has been a roller coaster ride for our friends and the smooth ride is coming. Congrats you guys!! Em, you inspire me. You have been the picture of patience with everything that you have dealt with over the past few years. I am so thankful that our paths crossed. I can just see the smile on your face when you hear little K say "Mommy".

It has to be a sign!

It just has to be a sign. On my way out from an awesome swim session the other morning I saw this swim cap in the window of the tech shop. Upon further reflection (and reality check) I realized that these are meant to hype the upcoming summer olympics in Beijing in 2008. But it's all about me, right? One day Darren and I will be Beijing bound. Why not have a little reminder on my head three times a week? Ok, I am obvioulsy going loopy :) And there is an Ironman slated for China in 2008. Coincidence?

It's getting closer...

...do I dare get a little excited?? Can this be for real?? I know what you are thinking. Our LID is only December 2006 which means that we are still a ways behind these June 30th 2006 families that will finally have their dossiers moving into the matching room. But come on, we have waited a hell of a long time for ANY news of a speed up. And this, my friends, is definitely progress!

Yes. I dare. I have earned that right. I have been patient. I have remained positive. And yet my heart aches. It aches everyday for the little wee one that should be in our lives right now. In our arms. Getting hugs and kisses. Exploring things. Being loved. Oh, how that child will be loved.

I have given up the luxury of being in control of my destiny. I'm calling in all the favours now...asking all to send positive energy out there and help send our wee one home soon. She has a Mommy and a Daddy that can't wait to have her in our lives.

I'm on vacation!!

As of 1pm today I officially started my vacation. And not a moment too soon, either. I had dreams of taking the entire summer off but decided that would be financially irresponsible and somewhat reckless of me. God, I can't remember the last time that I had an entire summer to do absolutely nothing in particular. I think I might have been twelve. OK, let's not do the math, but I am MUCH older than that now.

Gone are the days of complaining that there isn't anything to do. What I would give to have that time back. If I only knew then what I know now. That only makes what play time I have now all the sweeter.

So, you ask...what will I do with my precious two weeks of freedom? I can tell you that I will not be answering the bloody phone, and I will be steering clear of work. That's for damn sure. I have three new books to devour. I have a house full of crap that needs to be purged. And in between there will be time to run, to swim, to bike, to live, to laugh...to reconnect. To recharge. To think. To plan.

And I think that the blog might take a new direction. It was intended as a way of keeping family and friends up to speed with our adoption plans. Silly. We innocently thought that we would have all kinds of things to post about. Sadly we do not. Our plans haven't changed. Our dreams remain intact. Our hearts still wait. And wait and wait and wait. And that is all the news that we have. The wait remains. So until we have news on the adoption front the blog will be more like a "chat about nothing in particular".

I wish that I could say that they will be really articulate and well written prose. I am envious of the posts written by Kristian. Yes, KV. You have the skill. You keep us wanting more. But I am off on another tangent. Stay tuned folks. The posts may not appear on a regular basis but they will appear.

New Balance Half Iron June 17th...check

Ok, ok. Here is my humble race report.

We headed for Victoria on Saturday morning, with great tunes in the stereo, coffees in hand and butterflies in my stomach. The week leading up the race was tense for me. "Have I done enough to prepare?" "Am I crazy?" "What did I forget to pack?" "The expectations are becoming overwhelming!" Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who is wise and says all the right things to calm me down.

After a morning visiting with friends we met up with my folks at the hotel and then it was time to head to the race venue to pick up my race package. I just love the energy surrounding an event. Especially triathlons. (Sorry runners, but teh energy is just so different, positive karma surrounds) More words of encouragement float my way from fellow competitors and event supporters. The best was Mr. Nowak coming over to ask..."are ya nervous, are ya nervous, are ya nervous, are ya nervous, are ya nervous?" If I wasn't before, I am now.

Back to the hotel for a good pasta dinner a la Chef Skuja and an early night. Up at 4:30 am after a good night's sleep. Strangely I don't feel nervous. I take my time and have breakfast (bagel with honey and green tea). Double check that I have packed everything, get ready and head out the door. It's windy but thankfully it isn't raining. Another step in the right direction. I'm still feeling calm at this point. I think that is making Coach nervous. But I am zen. I can't control much at this point so I choose to go with the flow.

That is until we are driving along the lake and I look at the swim course set up and all that I could say was " Oh my f&*^*ing F*%K!! That's far " Ok, compose. I can do this. I will do this. I have to do this. A sea of friendly faces meets us at the transition site and I find a spot for my gear and set up. Oddly, I am calm once again. Zen. This is going to be a great day. I have worked hard to get here. I am going to enjoy every moment of this day. Bring it on!

Body marked, and zipped up in my wetsuit I head over to the water with Cathy and Darren. Deep breath. Where is everyone? Oh my god! Is that the start of the first wave?? Where are they??? Damn, I missed Deb's start. Holy crap, we start over at the other beach!!! We hurry over to the proper start area, see Stoner and Sandy, and Lene. Quick "see ya out there" all around and I head out on the swim with no warm up and no chance to make sure that my goggles are nice and tight. Oh well. Breathe, settle into it. Calm down. Can I do this? I can't do this. I have to do this. I can't give up now. Find your rythm. Ok, relax. Ok, I can do this. Stroke, glide, sight, glide, zen. I am doing this. I am really doing this. I am actually enjoying this! I run out of the water with a huge smile on my face. i have faced my fear and conquered! Woohooo!! The rest of the day is going to ROCK! All I can hear Darren yelling as I run by is and laughter of those spectators lining the path. At this point I'm not sure what he means by it all, but I don't care. It could mean that I was super slow or faster than we had talked about. It doesn't matter. I'm happy!

A leisurely transition to the bike and I'm on my way! Two 40K loops of steep climbs, fast twisting downhills, technical riding. The chase is on and the fasties are flying by! Yeehaw! Having fun and getting it done. Two parts down and one to go.

Another leisurely transition from bike to run and I'm heading into the trails. Cheers from Coach and my folks give me the energy I need to get going. Water. Mmmmmm. Water has never tasted so good! I run from water station to water station with walks in between. I can't believe how good I feel. I don't care that I am walking through each aid station. I have earned that right. Anyway, the goal was to finish. Almost 5 clicks into the run and I meet up with Barb. She runs with me for a while and then we hook up with Darren! Woohoo, I am having a blast! Janet runs by and she is looking strong. Find a nice pace. Settle into it. Holy crap...I'm at 9k and I think that I spot Eleanor and Denis!! It IS them!!! I am energized once again. OOO, must run past the finish area to start my second lap. That is so cruel Here I go again! Still feeling good. Why do I feel this good? Who cares. look at me!!!! I'm doing it!!! Another jog with Barb and then with Darren. I'm in my own little world and then I look up. It can't be. Do my eyes deceive me?? Oh my god it's my friend Andrew!!! He's running in his dress shoes ahead of me taking pictures and aking feel like a SUPERSTAR! This day just couldn't get any better. How could I get so lucky to have so many great people out there cheering for all of us? I have 3K to go and I am on my own again. I wonder how Cathy, Stoner, Deb, Bert, Lene and her gang are doing. One kilometer to go. I'm so tired. I see Lene. The emotions set in. I am so tired. She runs along with me. This is what I need to keep going. I can hear the crowd at the finish line. Oh my god. I am going to finish. I am going to freakin' finish this bad boy with a smile on my face!!! I see Deb!! I'm almost there. Just around the corner now. Keep going. Darren will be there. Keep going. I'm there! Holy mother of all that is good. I crossed the mo' fo' line!!!!!!! It's done!!!!! I'm done!!!!! What was my time? Are you sure? I did what??? I KICKED AZZZZZZ!!!! I'm done.

Thanks to Coach, Cathy and Stoner for the encouragement and motivation and inspiration!!!

So long...Farewell...Auf Wiedersehen...Goodbye...

I would like to bid adieu to a fellow blogger. This person I have not met as of yet in the formal sense, but I did come to enjoy meeting on occasion here, and on his own blog.

The countdown was a surprise to us, and we speculated as to what it could mean. I had my theory, and it was correct. Alas, we will miss you on the blogs, but will look forward to hearing from you in your own time. I must tell you, blogger, that we looked forward to reading your posts. It was a window. A way to catch up, and get a glimpse at what goes on with you from post to post. A touch like being a voyeur. Perhaps that is part of the reason for you signing off for a while. I can appreciate the need for privacy...for space...for time to think without having to put your thoughts out there for all of us to ponder and dissect.

I for one, can understand completely. I respect it. I hope that others can come to understand it too.

If I can offer up any piece of advice it would be this: Live your life for you, for who you want to be. If there are expectations to be lived up to, make sure that they are coming from you. And pleasure does not always equate to happiness in life. Take stock in what surrounds you and ask yourself, "am I happy, can I be happy with this?". Hard questions to ask, and harder to answer. But not impossible. Definitely not impossible.

The Captain and I wish you well!

And now, a word from our sponsor....

Ok, ok. It has been a while since my last post. I'm actully surprised that anyone takes the time to check in here from time to time. This was supposed to be a place for me to keep you all up to date with any news about the adoption. Well, there isn't much going on in that department. So, perhaps I will just bore you with tidbits from daily life. How would that be?

I'm sitting here, trying to keep busy. My legs are killing me from last week's FULL ON training sessions. And, as often happens when I am doing nothing in particular, I start to evaluate things. Today, I am evaluating my training. I'm looking for the "fun factor" to be exact. I'm afraid that the fun which I set out to have in training for this Half Ironman is being clouded with a whole lotta seriousness. Now don't get the wrong idea. I respect the event and the amount of training that needs to be done to get across the finish line without too much of a grimace on my face. But I seem to have been lured into a lot of time goals for this and that, and worrying about comments from the peanut gallery about why my recent race times are what they are. Why am so concerned about how far ahead I might be of so and so, or what so and so said about this and that?? WHO CARES! I have to bring it all back to the reason that I started this journey. And that is to do something that in my mind is monumental, and feel good about the accomplishment.

Geeeeze...I think I'm tired. I just read that back, and it reads like the rantings of a madwoman! So what is the solution? Take charge of my training again. Listen to my body and be firm in what I want to do with my training from week to week instead of falling into the trap of doing what I think is expected of me. I guess that sometimes I live in a dreamworld where I can not only "talk the talk" but I can also "walk the walk". Reality check. I must remember my place in the grand scheme of things.

That is my rant for the day. Discuss.