How in the name of all that is good, do mothers know, or have an inkling when you are feeling down?
My folks showed up at work today, so that I could take them up to the airport. They are off to Edmonton to spend Xmas with my brother and his family. Admittedly, I have been avoiding phone calls lately. Ya, ya...but this time of year is a difficult one for me.
Anyhoo...we were going out the door and my Mom turned and put something into the palm of my hand. At first I was thinking, "why are you giving me a button?" But I opened my hand and it was one of those silver "worry stones" with an inscription on one side that read "Believe in miracles". How did she know???
She told me to rub it anytime that I was feeling stressed about things. God, I'll rub the finish off of it within the week! All kidding aside, I think that is THE most special gift that I could have received. Just knowing that someone is in tune with how I have been feeling lately. That I don't have to put into words the struggles that I feel. Knowing (assuming) that someone out there finally "gets it".
So I am going to try to believe in miracles. Miracles happen all the time to people. I have to believe that a miracle could happen for Darren and I too. My miracle wish would be that those of us waiting for our little one from China will be coming home to us really soon. Really, really soon.
I love you, Mom. Thank you for believing in miracles.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
New Rules coming down the pipeline from China...
Here is the low-down on the new requirements from China that will affect all prospective adoptive parents that are applying to adopt a Chinese child. Word is that these new rules may not take effect until May 1st, 2007. But the scuttlebutt is that the health requirements begin NOW and could affect those that have dossiers already logged into the system. Read on, get comfy....
At present, the number of adoption application documents that the China Centre of Adoption Affairs (hereafter referred to as CCAA) receives is increasing very fast. However, the limited number of Chinese children available for inter-country adoption is far from being able to meet the demand of families from overseas. The CCAA maintains, in accordance with the principle of protecting the best interests of children in the Convention on Protection of Children and Co-Operation in Respect of Inter-Country Adoption (hereafter referred to as Hague Adoption Convention), that adopters in the following conditions answer better to the spirit of Hague Adoption Convention and the provisions of adoption law in both China and your country, and are able to offer the Chinese children adopted the best possible environment to grow in. It is our hope that you read this letter attentively, screen the families and give priority to those in the following conditions, and submit the adoption applicationdocuments for them:
The CCAA first accepts and reviews adoption applications of foreign adopters who are qualified with the following conditions from the day of 1st May 2007, and then makes placement of adoptees with them. Adoption applications of the other adopters who are not qualified will be put into considerations after all the cases of the qualified have already been dealt with.
I. The adopters are a couple of one male and one female with a stable marital relationship. In case that both the husband and the wife do not have any ex-marriage, the length of marriage has to reach two years. In the case either the husband or wife has ex-marriages (not more than 2), the length of the current marriage has to reach 5 years.
II. Both the husband and wife have reached the age of 30 and are under 50. For adoption of special needs child, both of them should have reached the age of 30 and are under 55.
III. Both the husband and wife are fully healthy physically and mentally, and do not have the following conditions:
1. AIDS;2. Mental handicap;3. Infectious disease within infective stage;4. Binocular blind or binocular parallax or monocular blind and with no ocular prosthesis;5. Binaural hearing loss or language function loss; adoption of special needs children who have identical conditions will be exempt from this limitation;6. Afunction or dysfunction of limbs or trunk caused by impairment, incompleteness, numbness or deformation; severe facial deformation;7. Severe diseases which require long term treatment and which affect life expectancy, like malignant tumor, lupus erythematosus, nephrosis, epilepsy, and ect.;8. Post-surgery of major organs transplantation, not yet 10 years;9. Schizophrenia;10. Medication for severe mental disorders, like depression, mania, or anxiety neurosis and etc. stopped not more than 2 years;11. BMI > or = 40.
IV. Either the husband or wife holds a stable occupation. The family annual income reaches $10,000 for each family member including the prospective adoptee and the family net assets value should reach $80,000. The family annual income does not include welfare income, like relief fund, pension, unemployment insurance, or government subsidy, and etc.
V. Both the husband and wife have received education of or above the level of senior high school, or vocational skills training of the same level.
VI. The number of children in family under the age of 18 years does not reach 5, and the youngest one should have reached the age of 1 year. Adoption of special needs children will be exempt from the limitation of “the number of children in family under the age of 18 years does not reach 5″.
VII. Both the husband and wife have never come under any criminal sanction. And they behave honorably with good moral characters and abide by regulations and laws. Both of them do not accord with the following situations:1. Have a history of domestic violence, sex abuse, abandonment or abuse of children (even if they are not consequently arrested or criminated);2. Have a history of taking narcotics like opium, morphine, marijuana, cocaine, heroin, methamphetamines, and etc. and medication for mental diseases, with are able to arouse addiction among human beings;3. Have a history of alcohol abuse and have given up drinking not more than 10 years ago.
Adoption application will be given consideration on a case by case basis when either the husband or wife has less than 3 criminal records of slight severity with no severe outcomes, and the time for correction of wrong has reached 10 years, or has less than 5 records of traffic law violation with no severe outcomes.
VIII. The adopters are able to have a correct cognition of adoption, and expect to provide a warm family for the orphaned children (or children with handicap and disability) via adoption and to meet the needs of the children adopted for the sake of a good development of them. They have a correct cognition of inter-country adoption as well, and are fully mentally-prepared for the potential risks within inter-country adoption and for the situations of children adopted as potential diseases, developmental delays, post-placement maladjustment, and etc.
IX. The adopters make in the adoption application letter clear promise of being able to accept post-placement follow-ups and offer post-placement reports as required.
X. The fixed number of year or age that appears in this letter shall be dated from the day when the adoption application documents are logged in at the CCAA.
The CCAA expects sincerely to cooperate with you and to provide better services for the adopters and children adopted and to help the Chinese children adopted develop in a family full of happiness, love and understanding. Thank you very much for your understanding and assistance.
The CCAA is responsible for the interpretation of this letter. Agencies should direct any specific questions to China Centre of Adoption Affairs(copied from the Rumour Queen web site)
These new requirement won't really affect us. At least not that I can see, barring one of us getting ill. God forbid! But it breaks my heart to think of all those couples, and families that will be affected by these changes. You put your heart and soul into this process. You have pictured your future child over and over again. Only to be told "sorry, you no longer meet the requirements". I can't imagine what that would feel like. But I guess that is something that we should be prepared for in the adoption journey. Nothing is guaranteed.
Someone suggested that this might be a good thing in that it will speed up the process since the number of families eligible to adopt from China will be diminished. That certainly does not make me smile. No one wants to benefit from the disappointment of others. These people have gone through a thorough process. They have been deemed to be awesome parents, regardless of their BMI, past health issues or marital status. Who's to say that skinny people that have never been diagnosed with a health issue will make better parents?? There are so many people out there that have so much love to give. Who long to be parents. Who were given hope, only to have it taken away.
Merry freakin Xmas.
At present, the number of adoption application documents that the China Centre of Adoption Affairs (hereafter referred to as CCAA) receives is increasing very fast. However, the limited number of Chinese children available for inter-country adoption is far from being able to meet the demand of families from overseas. The CCAA maintains, in accordance with the principle of protecting the best interests of children in the Convention on Protection of Children and Co-Operation in Respect of Inter-Country Adoption (hereafter referred to as Hague Adoption Convention), that adopters in the following conditions answer better to the spirit of Hague Adoption Convention and the provisions of adoption law in both China and your country, and are able to offer the Chinese children adopted the best possible environment to grow in. It is our hope that you read this letter attentively, screen the families and give priority to those in the following conditions, and submit the adoption applicationdocuments for them:
The CCAA first accepts and reviews adoption applications of foreign adopters who are qualified with the following conditions from the day of 1st May 2007, and then makes placement of adoptees with them. Adoption applications of the other adopters who are not qualified will be put into considerations after all the cases of the qualified have already been dealt with.
I. The adopters are a couple of one male and one female with a stable marital relationship. In case that both the husband and the wife do not have any ex-marriage, the length of marriage has to reach two years. In the case either the husband or wife has ex-marriages (not more than 2), the length of the current marriage has to reach 5 years.
II. Both the husband and wife have reached the age of 30 and are under 50. For adoption of special needs child, both of them should have reached the age of 30 and are under 55.
III. Both the husband and wife are fully healthy physically and mentally, and do not have the following conditions:
1. AIDS;2. Mental handicap;3. Infectious disease within infective stage;4. Binocular blind or binocular parallax or monocular blind and with no ocular prosthesis;5. Binaural hearing loss or language function loss; adoption of special needs children who have identical conditions will be exempt from this limitation;6. Afunction or dysfunction of limbs or trunk caused by impairment, incompleteness, numbness or deformation; severe facial deformation;7. Severe diseases which require long term treatment and which affect life expectancy, like malignant tumor, lupus erythematosus, nephrosis, epilepsy, and ect.;8. Post-surgery of major organs transplantation, not yet 10 years;9. Schizophrenia;10. Medication for severe mental disorders, like depression, mania, or anxiety neurosis and etc. stopped not more than 2 years;11. BMI > or = 40.
IV. Either the husband or wife holds a stable occupation. The family annual income reaches $10,000 for each family member including the prospective adoptee and the family net assets value should reach $80,000. The family annual income does not include welfare income, like relief fund, pension, unemployment insurance, or government subsidy, and etc.
V. Both the husband and wife have received education of or above the level of senior high school, or vocational skills training of the same level.
VI. The number of children in family under the age of 18 years does not reach 5, and the youngest one should have reached the age of 1 year. Adoption of special needs children will be exempt from the limitation of “the number of children in family under the age of 18 years does not reach 5″.
VII. Both the husband and wife have never come under any criminal sanction. And they behave honorably with good moral characters and abide by regulations and laws. Both of them do not accord with the following situations:1. Have a history of domestic violence, sex abuse, abandonment or abuse of children (even if they are not consequently arrested or criminated);2. Have a history of taking narcotics like opium, morphine, marijuana, cocaine, heroin, methamphetamines, and etc. and medication for mental diseases, with are able to arouse addiction among human beings;3. Have a history of alcohol abuse and have given up drinking not more than 10 years ago.
Adoption application will be given consideration on a case by case basis when either the husband or wife has less than 3 criminal records of slight severity with no severe outcomes, and the time for correction of wrong has reached 10 years, or has less than 5 records of traffic law violation with no severe outcomes.
VIII. The adopters are able to have a correct cognition of adoption, and expect to provide a warm family for the orphaned children (or children with handicap and disability) via adoption and to meet the needs of the children adopted for the sake of a good development of them. They have a correct cognition of inter-country adoption as well, and are fully mentally-prepared for the potential risks within inter-country adoption and for the situations of children adopted as potential diseases, developmental delays, post-placement maladjustment, and etc.
IX. The adopters make in the adoption application letter clear promise of being able to accept post-placement follow-ups and offer post-placement reports as required.
X. The fixed number of year or age that appears in this letter shall be dated from the day when the adoption application documents are logged in at the CCAA.
The CCAA expects sincerely to cooperate with you and to provide better services for the adopters and children adopted and to help the Chinese children adopted develop in a family full of happiness, love and understanding. Thank you very much for your understanding and assistance.
The CCAA is responsible for the interpretation of this letter. Agencies should direct any specific questions to China Centre of Adoption Affairs(copied from the Rumour Queen web site)
These new requirement won't really affect us. At least not that I can see, barring one of us getting ill. God forbid! But it breaks my heart to think of all those couples, and families that will be affected by these changes. You put your heart and soul into this process. You have pictured your future child over and over again. Only to be told "sorry, you no longer meet the requirements". I can't imagine what that would feel like. But I guess that is something that we should be prepared for in the adoption journey. Nothing is guaranteed.
Someone suggested that this might be a good thing in that it will speed up the process since the number of families eligible to adopt from China will be diminished. That certainly does not make me smile. No one wants to benefit from the disappointment of others. These people have gone through a thorough process. They have been deemed to be awesome parents, regardless of their BMI, past health issues or marital status. Who's to say that skinny people that have never been diagnosed with a health issue will make better parents?? There are so many people out there that have so much love to give. Who long to be parents. Who were given hope, only to have it taken away.
Merry freakin Xmas.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
a new tactic...
Maybe tactic is not the right word. A new direction might be apropos. Effort is the key word here. It's something that I feel has been lacking of late. On my part, of course. On others? Perhaps. Yes, I think so.
What efforts need to made, you ask? I think that more needs to be done than simply going through the motions of life in general. Take the xmas season for example. For those that know me, I am a scrooge of sorts. I don't begrudge giving. In fact, I think that is the part that I enjoy most about xmas. I love the gift giving to family and friends rather than the receiving part. 'Cause let's face it, what I want money cannot buy.
But I made an effort today. I actually put up the xmas tree today. EGADS! Yes, my friends, it went up before the 23rd of December. And do you want to know something else? Wait for it, because you might need to sit down when I tell you. I was actually enjoying myself. It might have something to do with the fact that I was listening to Stuart Mclean on CBC, and laughing at the imperfect stories about xmas. Perfection is over-rated! And as I type, I am enjoying a glass of shiraz in honour of the xmas sing along that we will be participating in tonight. (thruth be told, I am right up there with Mili Vanilli and the whole lip-synching deal)
Effort. I am going to make more of an effort to be more communicative. You have asked for it, so don't get upset if I call you on it. You may not like what I have to say. If you ask me what's wrong, it may not come out right away. But I am (eventually, just give me a minute) tell you exactly what I am feeling at that very moment. It's not personal. It's just how I am feeling about whatever. I will do my best to put anger aside and think things through before I open my mouth. I have always been so reluctant to let it all out, lest I hurt feelings. And the result is that I am angry, and others go around scratching their head wondering what it is that they might have done. I am, as always, a work in progress.
And I hope that I receive effort. Effort in making relationships and all that go with it a priority. You can't buy that. And that is what I wish for most. Thoughtfulness...taking an active role...picking up the phone...I haven't forgotten that effort is a two way street. The deal is that I hold up my end, but I hope that there will be reciprocation. I want to feel that there is effort made on all sides.
I am a wife, a sister, a daughter, and a friend. I don't need titles to feel as if I am loved. I am not seeking affirmations that I am an important person. It's not about that. I need to feel that we are equally putting in the effort. I am going to truely put more effort in on my part. I hope that you will join me.
That is my confusing, self-serving rant for the day.
What efforts need to made, you ask? I think that more needs to be done than simply going through the motions of life in general. Take the xmas season for example. For those that know me, I am a scrooge of sorts. I don't begrudge giving. In fact, I think that is the part that I enjoy most about xmas. I love the gift giving to family and friends rather than the receiving part. 'Cause let's face it, what I want money cannot buy.
But I made an effort today. I actually put up the xmas tree today. EGADS! Yes, my friends, it went up before the 23rd of December. And do you want to know something else? Wait for it, because you might need to sit down when I tell you. I was actually enjoying myself. It might have something to do with the fact that I was listening to Stuart Mclean on CBC, and laughing at the imperfect stories about xmas. Perfection is over-rated! And as I type, I am enjoying a glass of shiraz in honour of the xmas sing along that we will be participating in tonight. (thruth be told, I am right up there with Mili Vanilli and the whole lip-synching deal)
Effort. I am going to make more of an effort to be more communicative. You have asked for it, so don't get upset if I call you on it. You may not like what I have to say. If you ask me what's wrong, it may not come out right away. But I am (eventually, just give me a minute) tell you exactly what I am feeling at that very moment. It's not personal. It's just how I am feeling about whatever. I will do my best to put anger aside and think things through before I open my mouth. I have always been so reluctant to let it all out, lest I hurt feelings. And the result is that I am angry, and others go around scratching their head wondering what it is that they might have done. I am, as always, a work in progress.
And I hope that I receive effort. Effort in making relationships and all that go with it a priority. You can't buy that. And that is what I wish for most. Thoughtfulness...taking an active role...picking up the phone...I haven't forgotten that effort is a two way street. The deal is that I hold up my end, but I hope that there will be reciprocation. I want to feel that there is effort made on all sides.
I am a wife, a sister, a daughter, and a friend. I don't need titles to feel as if I am loved. I am not seeking affirmations that I am an important person. It's not about that. I need to feel that we are equally putting in the effort. I am going to truely put more effort in on my part. I hope that you will join me.
That is my confusing, self-serving rant for the day.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
The results of hardwork and time invested
My adult life has certainly been different than my school years. I have worked hard, and have seen the results of the effort put in. Be that climbing the ladders of responsibility at work, relationships, or running. Most of those goals reached have had relatively instant gratification along the way. Our new journey has proved to be a trying one.
All the time, money, hormone injections, tears, soul searching, intense home studies and not to mention paper work have not shown the instant gratification that we have come to expect in life. We have played by the rules and jumped through the hoops to get us to this point. "Wait. Be patient. Everything will happen when it's supposed to." How often can you take that advice before you give yourself a concussion from all the head banging?
Patience is a virtue. Who came up with that, and how did they come to that conclusion? It's a virtue that I certainly did not inherit. Too bad they don't put that in the school curiculum. That is a life lesson that would not be wasted.
Ok. Get to the point, you say. The word coming down the line from the CCAA (China Centre for Adoption Affairs) is that the wait times will get longer. At this point we are looking at 18 to 24 months from the time the dossier is logged in. We still don't have a log in date for our dossier. I certainly can appreciate all the hard work and long hours that the CCAA put into finding forever families for all the children waiting for a new life. But the void that I need to fill, the wait...it just seems so immense.
A goal to strive for, a new sense of purpose to fill the gap until we go to China? Focus on the little ones that are in our life now? I thought that if I filled my time and kept busy, it would make the time go by a little quicker. At this point it's just not enough. Did we make the right choice? Is this a sign that we should have gone in another direction? Are we meant to be parents? The waiting and the not knowing certainly has brought on the feeling of doubt.
I'm sure that I'm not the only one that feels this way. There are thousands of us in the same position. Comforting? Soemtimes yes, sometimes no.
So....for now I will consume myself in training for the Half Ironman in June. Work hard, train well and there will be results. And we will be six months closer to our dream of a little girl coming home. Our little girl. Our wonderful, beautiful little girl with pigtails in her hair. Where dreams become reality. I'm holding on.
All the time, money, hormone injections, tears, soul searching, intense home studies and not to mention paper work have not shown the instant gratification that we have come to expect in life. We have played by the rules and jumped through the hoops to get us to this point. "Wait. Be patient. Everything will happen when it's supposed to." How often can you take that advice before you give yourself a concussion from all the head banging?
Patience is a virtue. Who came up with that, and how did they come to that conclusion? It's a virtue that I certainly did not inherit. Too bad they don't put that in the school curiculum. That is a life lesson that would not be wasted.
Ok. Get to the point, you say. The word coming down the line from the CCAA (China Centre for Adoption Affairs) is that the wait times will get longer. At this point we are looking at 18 to 24 months from the time the dossier is logged in. We still don't have a log in date for our dossier. I certainly can appreciate all the hard work and long hours that the CCAA put into finding forever families for all the children waiting for a new life. But the void that I need to fill, the wait...it just seems so immense.
A goal to strive for, a new sense of purpose to fill the gap until we go to China? Focus on the little ones that are in our life now? I thought that if I filled my time and kept busy, it would make the time go by a little quicker. At this point it's just not enough. Did we make the right choice? Is this a sign that we should have gone in another direction? Are we meant to be parents? The waiting and the not knowing certainly has brought on the feeling of doubt.
I'm sure that I'm not the only one that feels this way. There are thousands of us in the same position. Comforting? Soemtimes yes, sometimes no.
So....for now I will consume myself in training for the Half Ironman in June. Work hard, train well and there will be results. And we will be six months closer to our dream of a little girl coming home. Our little girl. Our wonderful, beautiful little girl with pigtails in her hair. Where dreams become reality. I'm holding on.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Who's that looking back at me...
Who do you see looking back at you in the mirror? Take a good long look. Is it the person you thought you would be? How did I get to this place?
There has been a lot of "shoulda, woulda, coulda" going on in my head lately. I should have worked harder in school...and then I would have had more options open to me...and then I could have made different choices. We are the masters of our on destinies, aren't we?
If I had it to do all over again. Hmmm. Would I really want to do it all over again? Let's face it, the teenage years aren't always the most fun. But hindsight is 20/20. If I think about it, and be truely honest, I could have been a good student. I just didn't have any interest in what was going on academically. I could have applied myself, but it was easier to do the bare minimum to get by. I covered it up by convincing myself that I just wasn't smart enough.
Science, math...oooo, at the time it all seemed above my head. Now, I wish that I had worked harder at understanding it. Because there are avenues in life/career that I would have loved to have pursued if only I had taken the time. Hey young people, are you taking note?
And now I find myself at a point of...I don't know how to describe it really. Indecision. Restlessness. Wishing that I could stop time for a moment so that I can figure things out. Wanting more out of life. Needing a purpose.
I look at the rest of the fam. They have all got it figured out, or so it seems. They are smart, productive, motivated and apply themselves. They know what their passions are. How does it come so easily to some? I'm not talking about having a golden horseshoe or anything like that. They just seem to have always had their S*&t together.
And maybe that is just it. I need to find my passion. I think that is one of the hardest things to answer. How do you find that passion?
There has been a lot of "shoulda, woulda, coulda" going on in my head lately. I should have worked harder in school...and then I would have had more options open to me...and then I could have made different choices. We are the masters of our on destinies, aren't we?
If I had it to do all over again. Hmmm. Would I really want to do it all over again? Let's face it, the teenage years aren't always the most fun. But hindsight is 20/20. If I think about it, and be truely honest, I could have been a good student. I just didn't have any interest in what was going on academically. I could have applied myself, but it was easier to do the bare minimum to get by. I covered it up by convincing myself that I just wasn't smart enough.
Science, math...oooo, at the time it all seemed above my head. Now, I wish that I had worked harder at understanding it. Because there are avenues in life/career that I would have loved to have pursued if only I had taken the time. Hey young people, are you taking note?
And now I find myself at a point of...I don't know how to describe it really. Indecision. Restlessness. Wishing that I could stop time for a moment so that I can figure things out. Wanting more out of life. Needing a purpose.
I look at the rest of the fam. They have all got it figured out, or so it seems. They are smart, productive, motivated and apply themselves. They know what their passions are. How does it come so easily to some? I'm not talking about having a golden horseshoe or anything like that. They just seem to have always had their S*&t together.
And maybe that is just it. I need to find my passion. I think that is one of the hardest things to answer. How do you find that passion?
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