The results of hardwork and time invested

My adult life has certainly been different than my school years. I have worked hard, and have seen the results of the effort put in. Be that climbing the ladders of responsibility at work, relationships, or running. Most of those goals reached have had relatively instant gratification along the way. Our new journey has proved to be a trying one.

All the time, money, hormone injections, tears, soul searching, intense home studies and not to mention paper work have not shown the instant gratification that we have come to expect in life. We have played by the rules and jumped through the hoops to get us to this point. "Wait. Be patient. Everything will happen when it's supposed to." How often can you take that advice before you give yourself a concussion from all the head banging?

Patience is a virtue. Who came up with that, and how did they come to that conclusion? It's a virtue that I certainly did not inherit. Too bad they don't put that in the school curiculum. That is a life lesson that would not be wasted.

Ok. Get to the point, you say. The word coming down the line from the CCAA (China Centre for Adoption Affairs) is that the wait times will get longer. At this point we are looking at 18 to 24 months from the time the dossier is logged in. We still don't have a log in date for our dossier. I certainly can appreciate all the hard work and long hours that the CCAA put into finding forever families for all the children waiting for a new life. But the void that I need to fill, the wait...it just seems so immense.

A goal to strive for, a new sense of purpose to fill the gap until we go to China? Focus on the little ones that are in our life now? I thought that if I filled my time and kept busy, it would make the time go by a little quicker. At this point it's just not enough. Did we make the right choice? Is this a sign that we should have gone in another direction? Are we meant to be parents? The waiting and the not knowing certainly has brought on the feeling of doubt.

I'm sure that I'm not the only one that feels this way. There are thousands of us in the same position. Comforting? Soemtimes yes, sometimes no.

So....for now I will consume myself in training for the Half Ironman in June. Work hard, train well and there will be results. And we will be six months closer to our dream of a little girl coming home. Our little girl. Our wonderful, beautiful little girl with pigtails in her hair. Where dreams become reality. I'm holding on.